


Hold Onto Me

by HuntDemonsLoveAngels



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Attempted Fluff, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Marriage Proposal, destiel-relationship, some of dean's angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-21
Updated: 2014-03-21
Packaged: 2018-01-16 12:56:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1348228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HuntDemonsLoveAngels/pseuds/HuntDemonsLoveAngels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the song 'Hold Onto me' by Mayday Parade.<br/>I know it's kinda pretty out of character, I'm sorry.<br/>Dean and Castiel are happy together, but Dean always has doubts over whether he'll ever be good enough for Cas. How is he supposed to repay the angel who saved his life countless times.<br/>There is attempted fluff and cuteness in this, but there is also some of Dean's angst and self esteem issues.<br/>It all ends happily though, they make each other the happiest men alive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold Onto Me

**Author's Note:**

> So this didn't go as I thought it would but I'm rolling with it.  
> I'm still new to this, so please leave feedback!  
> Dedicated to Annie, who loved Dean and Cas a lot.  
> Hopefully this scene does them justice for you.

Dean and Castiel were lying in their bed, arms locked around each other and legs tangled together.

Dean was falling in and out of consciousness, exhaustion quickly taking over him.

Every time he opened his eyes, whether he’s closed them for a minute or an hour, Castiel had his phenomenal eyes on him.

That’s the one thing he could always count on. He always knew his angel was watching over him; he always had his back.

He didn't even need to see the angel any more to know he was watching him. It didn't matter what time of day or night, Castiel was always thinking about him. If, for some reason, he couldn't be with him, he always knew Cas was thinking of him.

That seemed really self-centred; to think that you’re always on your other half’s mind. But Cas reminded Dean constantly of this fact.

In fact, not a day went by that Cas didn't tell Dean that he loved him- that he was important and special. That he was kind and beautiful. That he was perfect in Castiel’s eyes.

Castiel always told Dean these precious things, these little things that meant the world to Dean even if he didn't always believe Cas meant it. But Cas knew him; he’d even seen his very soul in hell. And if Cas could love him after what he’d become down there, then Dean was blessed.

Thinking of Castiel’s kind words made Dean smile, but his eyes remained closed. He was slightly embarrassed to be smiling like a fool just at the thought of Cas’ sweetness.

Castiel saw his smile, obviously, he’d been mapping out the features he knew off by heart for what must have been hours now.

“What are you smiling at, Dean?” Castiel asked, and Dean could hear the smile in his voice. He knew Cas liked it when he smiled, he always told him how much he deserved to be happy.

Dean opened his eyes to look at Cas’ face, his perfect features were lit up by his smile and his eyes were bright even in the dark. Damn, Dean was saying cliché crap like that far too often since he and Cas got together. 

“Nothing.” Dean answered but he couldn't stop the grin spreading across his face.

Cas fixed his with a stern glare, but there was still a bemused tone to his voice. “It’s obviously something.”

Dean responded with a chuckle and rested his forehead against Cas’. He didn't know what he’d do without him. He honestly didn't think he’d survive. He needed him so much more than any one. He had Sam, and he loved Sam more than he could bear, but it was obviously different to the way he loved Cas.

Cas had done so much for him. He’s always helped him, and at a great cost. Dean would feel bad about what Cas had sacrificed for him until he died, but there was nothing he could do to make it up to him. There was nothing he could do to ever repay Cas. He’s just another worthless human. He’s going to be gone in the blink of an angelic eye. He would never be able to repay his debt to him.

Dean felt his chest constrict at the thought. The lightness of his mood replaced with a familiar dread. What got him the most was that he really was just another human. How could one insignificant life even matter to an angel like Castiel?

It didn't matter that Cas told him he was important, he could never believe it when he put it in perspective.

Hell, Cas probably only said it to get Dean to shut up moaning and stop sulking all the time.

It was like a punch to the gut. He felt the sudden crushing weight of reality and he screwed his eyes closed and never wanted to open them again. He just wanted to stay wrapped under the covers with Cas. He didn't care if he was being pathetic. Cas was going to leave him, he could feel it, and he was going to relish in these last few moments before Castiel shoved him away and found more suitable company.

“Hey,” Cas soothed, rubbing his back. “Dean it’s okay.”

Dean was dragged out of his thoughts by Cas’ deep voice against his ear. Cas was trying to gently move Dean’s head away from the crook of his neck where he’d buried it.

Dean, however, was having none of it. He clawed at Castiel’s back and locked his strong legs around Castiel’s waist.

He wasn’t ready to let go of this yet.

“Dean.” Castiel insisted, still trying to move Dean’s face away. 

Castiel was plenty stronger than Dean, but was reluctant to use his strength against him. He’d apparently had enough however. He pulled Dean effortlessly so he was sitting up, with his head resting against Castiel’s shoulder.

He put a gentle finger under Dean’s chin and lifted his head. Once they were looking into each other’s eyes, Castiel pressed a hesitant kiss to Dean’s cheek.

“Did I do something wrong?” Castiel asked, panic lacing his voice.

Dean looked up, shock written all over his face. “What? Of course not! Why would you-“ He took a deep breath to steady himself “Cas I'm sorry. I just- I'm sorry.”

Dean lowered his head in shame. Why did he have to act like this? They were enjoying themselves! Cas looked happy before, and now he’s gone and upset him. He made him think he was the problem!

That was absurd! Cas was amazing, Dean was the problem.

“Dean,” Cas muttered, trying to get his attention again “tell me what’s wrong.” He begged.

Dean decided to just tell Cas the truth. He couldn't bear to see the worried look on his face. And over something so stupid too! God, why was Dean such an idiot? Why did he have to upset Cas?

“I was just thinking. I remembered how much you've down for me, and how I can never repay my debt to you. There’s no way some pathetic fucking excuse for a human could ever make it up to you! Then I realised, you could easily find someone who could equal you. Find an angel, or- or even a good human. Someone who makes you feel loved in return and shows you how much you meant to them. I can never do that!” He cried out. 

“Dean-“ Cas whipped tears from his face he didn't realise he’d let fall.

He was suddenly furious with his own pitiful behaviour. He shoved himself away from Castiel and stood up on shaky legs. He started pacing back and forth at the foot of the bed. Cas’ alarmed eyes never leaving him.

“You know what,” Dean hissed “Just go! Leave now, since you’re going to anyway. Just leave my like everyone else! I don’t care! I don’t need you.” Dean ranted, angry tears streaming down his face.

“You don’t mean that.” Cas whispered, something akin to defeat in his voice.

Dean turned on his heel and stomped over to Cas. “How the hell do you know? You don’t know how I feel.” He yelled.

Cas matched his anger then. “Because I know you Dean!” He bellowed.

Dean was stumbled back in shock as Cas shot up to his feet. He was on Dean in a second.

“I know you, Dean.” His voice suddenly calm again. “I will never understand why you don’t think you’re worthy of me. If anything, I should be begging you to stay with me.”

Dean wanted to interrupt. He wanted to tell Cas to shut up and stop saying such bullshit. He wanted him to take the suffering look off his face.

But he couldn't. He was frozen. He just stood there, gasping as Castiel revealed insecurities Dean didn't know he had.

“Dean, I love you more than any human that has ever walked this earth. I love you more than my brothers in heaven. I love you more than my God, which is not really something an angel should do.” Castiel smiled at that. “Do you hear me Dean?” He continued. “I love you more than anything this universe could offer me.” He cupped Dean’s face in his hands and stroked under his sensitive, tear stricken eyes.

“So stop acting like I would leave you. Nothing can take me away from you now I have you.”

Castiel smiled at Dean with more affection than Dean has ever seen from him. His breath caught in his throat, and he just nodded at Cas.

They both leaned forward at the same time, connecting them from their toes to their lips. The kiss was slow, but the passion behind it was undeniable. Dean was the first to pull away, so he could look into Cas’ eyes again. They told Dean everything he’s ever needed to hear. 

That was the moment he realised he didn't just love Cas, he adored him. This angel- this ridiculous, trench coat clad, feathery assed, uncultured angel- meant more to him than he could comprehend.

He kissed Castiel’s forehead. He let his lips linger on the skin before slowly pulling away.

He knew this was what he wanted. He could deal with the other shit in his life if he knew Castiel would be by his side.

“Cas,” Dean breathed “I know we've had our problems, and I know I’ve caused most of them.”

Cas opened his mouth to argue with Dean about his self esteem, but he had to get this out now. “Please just let me finish.” He sounded almost desperate.

Castiel hesitated momentarily before slowing shutting his mouth and nodding at Dean to continue.

“I drink too much, and I get in moods over everything. I can make an argument out of nothing. And I know this going to sound like something right out of a chick-flick, but I live waking up next to you. Even though you don’t sleep and you just creepily stare at me all night.” He smiled at Castiel’s tender look. They both knew Dean liked the undivided attention Cas gave him, even though he denied it most of the time.

“I never want you to leave me. I want to wake up every morning with you holding onto me. I never want to sleep in a bed alone, or with anyone but you, ever again. You fight for me even in my sleep.” Dean chuckled “You fight away my nightmares and all of my fears.” Dean ranted on.

“You’re right. I don’t see myself the way you do. I don’t think I'm worthy of you Cas, but I want to spend every day of my life trying to be worthy of you. Even though my life is much too short, and I don’t even know if this is something that means anything to angels but,”

Tears were in the corners of both of their eyes, blurring out the rest of the world.

The next words were whispered so quietly, it was like they were excluding the whole world from their own little moment.

“Cas, will you marry me?”

Castiel’s face was euphoric. He beamed in complete bliss with tear tracks outlining his beautiful smile.

“Dean Winchester, it would be an honour to be your husband.”

Dean felt his world crumbling in the best possible way. All he knew now was Castiel. And that’s all he wanted out of life.

All at once, it didn't matter to Dean that he has a short human life.

He didn't care that Castiel has had a millennia of life before him and had many more to come.

He didn't mind that Castiel would have to visit him in heaven instead of living with him in the house Dean was already planning to buy in his head.

None of that mattered. He would have Castiel, Angel of the Lord, as his husband until the end of his days.

And if he got to spend the remainder of his life with his true love, then Dean was okay with everything else.

Castiel was going to make him the happiest man alive, and Dean was going to spend every minute of the rest of his life thanking Cas for choosing him. For choosing one unimportant little life over all others.

But if Cas chose him, maybe he was important after all.


End file.
